your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
