i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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