Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
