I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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