I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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