It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
organizing the empties. That sober.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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