Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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