i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
