I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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