Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
