oh god the rape fog is back!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
