I feel like I'm in dance class right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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