Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
