y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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