Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
