uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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