Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
