I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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