Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's never too late to be topless.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
