You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
