Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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