The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
