I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
