I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
