Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
