He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
