I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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