I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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