the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
