Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
