Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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