I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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