did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
