wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
