Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
