It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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