obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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