So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
