I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
