Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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