Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
