I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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