We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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