Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You left your phone here
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