He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
