You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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