When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
