if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
