Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
