Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
