What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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