He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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