I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
