The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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