If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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