I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
