I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
