Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
