Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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