I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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