her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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