I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
