If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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