he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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