I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
