why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
