so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
