the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I sprained my soul last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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