i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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