Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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