my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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