I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
