I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
