you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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