Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
