i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
