Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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