i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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