That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
