I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
